Penises!

Sep 16, 2013 by

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It’s no mystery that humans (and tons of other animals) are curious, fascinated and even obsessed with their penises. When I read that there was a phallological museum in Reykjavik, yes, a penis museum, I couldn’t resist having a look, and not to indulge in some kind of curiosity with penises, but to entertain the intrigue I have with that manifestation of penile obsession. Because, really? A penis museum? Yep, a penis museum.

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There were all kinds of animal penises present and preserved: mice and cat and fox and elk and horse. Dolphins, porpoise, pigs, reindeer and all kinds of whale were represented. There were moulds of the Icelandic national handball team who won silver medals at the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing. There were penis stamps, penis cutlery, penis napkin holders, penis phones, penis canes, penis pens, penis lamps and penis mobiles (yes, like for hanging over a baby’s crib). Penis, penis, penis.

Speaking of which, remember the penis game?***

Without further ado, let’s take a look at some photos I took at the museum.

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And for all the vegetarians out there, the museum has something for you too!

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Oh wait, did you think I was almost done showing you photos of penises? Well, I’m not.

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Undoubtedly, when you first walk into the museum, you will giggle a little. I did. Even though I’ve been a student of science for over 3 years now, I still giggled. I can rationalize that at the most basic level, penises are just tissues and cells, and those cells can be further broken down into less sexy sounding things, like phospholipid bilayers and sodium-potassium pumps and endoplasmic reticulum. Yaaawn. Though I was equipped (no pun intended) to reason with myself, I was still giddy (for no other reason than I was in a room completely full of penisessome of them taller than I am).

But for real.

Once I got over the giggles, the museum was fascinating, and dare I say eye opening? Penises come in all sorts of bizarre shapes and sizes, and if you were wondering, pig penises are the weirdest. 

Even stranger were things like this:

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LETTER OF DONATION
With this letter, I, the undersigned, John Dower, born on the fifth day of January in the year 1971, resident of Balham, London in the United Kingdom formally bestow my reproductive organs “penis and scrotum” to The Icelandic Institute of Phallology and the Icelandic Phallological Museum for the purpose of owning and exhibiting for all times as the Institute thinks fit.
The donation is inspired by a challenge laid down by my friend Alan Sturia Sverrisson who was tragically killed in the summer of 2000. It is in Alan’s memory that I offer my penis to his nation.
The honourable undersigned witnesses have been charged with the unfailing responsibility of arranging the formal presentation of the aforementioned organs to the Icelandic Institute of Phallology in the fullness of time.

And I’m sure you’ve been curious, so here you go:

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The Icelandic National Handball Team… Well, Their Penises, That Is.

As you leave, the gift shop won’t disappoint either…

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Let’s face it: this might, after all, be your one and only chance to get that special someone a penis back scratcher for Christmas this year. Don’t miss your chance!

Have you ever visited the penis museum?

***The penis game is popular amongst young teenagers. The game begins when one person in a group of friends whispers the word “penis”. The group of friends must be in public or at least around other people, strangers are best. The game continues with everyone taking turns saying “penis” at increased volumes. The winner of the game is able to say “penis” the loudest without losing his or her nerve. If you ever hear someone randomly shouting “Penis!” in public, don’t be quick to judge; there may be a heated competition of the penis game happening!

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28 Comments

  1. cubiclethrowdown

    I’m dying. I’m absolutely dying. This is the greatest thing ever. And just so you know, I’m totally the ‘penis game’ champ in my neck of the woods, although that sounds way, way worse than it actually is.

    • Colleen

      Hahaha… It’s funny because as I was working on this post, I thought to myself that if there is any one person who will laugh at this post and enjoy it fully, it would be you. Thank you for not disappointing!

  2. Hilarious – love the pic of you on the phone – you look so nonchalant.
    Did you think it odd, the human replicas all seem to be circumcised?

    • Colleen

      Yes, I did find this odd. I wonder if it had something to do with how the replicas were made, because there were a few other moulds of penises and none appeared to be circumcised.

  3. The Handball team penis molding seems like a strange team thing to do. What was the reasoning behind that or was it just one of those “Seemed like a good idea at the time” things?

    • Colleen

      I have no idea! There was no information apart from a title and a photo and a box full of penis moulds! At least that I saw. It took me a few times walking by those things to figure out why they were there!

  4. Zhu

    This is very cool! All shapes and sizes, eh? Guys, take note and don’t feel self-conscious!

    I think museums like these promote an healthy way to look at sexuality. In Paris, I visited the Musée de l’érotisme, it was fascinating.

    • Colleen

      I totally agree! It’s just bodies and sex. No big deal. People freak out about that stuff all the time, but I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

  5. mom

    I can see the handball team going through the mold process…what a locker room activity!!

  6. I’m a penis fan! (It first said ‘huge penis fan’ but that just didn’t sound right). When I studied art, most of my pieces were penis related. I crocheted a 2 meter long penis tablecloth and I once made ceramic penises in shades of green, based on ‘all’ the penises I had seen so far.

    • Colleen

      That’s amazing! I would love to see this tablecloth. You should totally get in touch with the museum in Iceland. I’m sure they would love to get their hands on your work if you haven’t or aren’t doing anything with it…

  7. Mike Vogler

    Colleen, I’ve read my share of different posts on blogs but this one was definitely a first. When I saw the title of it after I opened up my Subscription email from you and immediately started giggling. I actually had forgot and came back to it at work later. But, I was building up some laughter going through the pictures. But, when I got to the one with you on the “telephone” I absolutely LOST IT!!! I was laughing so hard tears were coming down my cheeks. Two co-workers inquired as to if I was ok then they wanted to see. I absolutely shared it with them!! All laughing aside it was ingenius and educational post! 🙂 p.s. my stomach hurts….

  8. R

    I was totally unaware such a place existed, A very interesting piece (no pun intended). I like your site Collen, it works well and some very interesting posts. Keep in touch

  9. ooooooO, My!
    All I can say is VAGINAS are much prettier!! Haaa.
    But I would def go to this exhibit!

    Xx
    Love the photo of that dude looking up at the pointed penis. classic

    • Colleen

      Haha! That’s my boyfriend! He’ll love the shoutout, I’m sure.
      I think there is a vagina museum in Europe… I would have to double check where, though. Check it out and report back!

  10. Sam

    I was in Reykjavik this time last year and walked past this museum a couple of times, but couldn’t bring myself to go in. It just squicked me out too much! I like me some penis, but preferably not in a glass jar preserved in formaldehyde. Wait…did I just imply in a roundabout way that I’m in to bestiality? Oops.

    • Colleen

      How did you do that! Haha…
      I wanted to see this museum from the first moment I heard about it. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was a little more leery about it, but when we walked by and he saw all the wooden penis things in the gift shop, he couldn’t resist!

  11. Okay. The photos with you in them are HILARIOUS. Your face! You need captions, though – I’m especially curious about that super tall one. You know. Strictly scientifically speaking.

    • Colleen

      Hahaha… captions like “Here I am with a penis.” … “Here I am with another penis.”
      I think that big one was a whale penis. All the really big ones were some sort of whale.
      Whale of a penis.

  12. Is that phone for sale? It looks like a great stocking stuffer…

    • Colleen

      Doesn’t it though? I would probably put that phone in my house so let me know if you ever find one for sale. How ridiculous. And it worked, too!

  13. I giggled and snickered just by clicking on your link. And then to find a whole museum tour! Oh my goodness. What fun!

    • Colleen

      I’m glad you got a laugh! It was a post definitely meant to amuse!

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